Sunday, May 08, 2011

MOVE ON. a simple word with a difficult meaning

who do you think you are? running round leaving scars. collecting your jar of hearts. and tearing love apart. 

last night, HAHA * maybe i am crazy but laughing makes the pain pass by. seriously, i am so broken. not half full not half empty not ever cracked. i am just broken! and i cant exist anymore. there is nothing left to me and again i burst my tears falling down on my cheek ;'(

yes, i am so so stupid right? HAHA hmm, i feel lifeless. i cant laugh as usual. i cant! yeahh, i can pretend to be happy, but? i wasn’t so good at pretending to be, i'd be better at actually being happy :') 

i was 'flabbergasted' when i know the truth. the truth kills me a lot. seriously. do you know how it hurts to smile on that time. how i try to fit in but i cant anymore! how i hurt myself on the outside, just to try to kill the thing that is in the inside.

when my tears fall down, i wanna run away and hide it. i think that i am so good. and i also think that i am heartless. i think i never care about my feelings. * but i do care other's feeling yaaa. hihi. but the truth make me grrr --' i know it seems like i am this strong person who can get though anything but inside i am fragile. and now i am hopeless. i am lost and i know this! 

last night, before i go to sleep i lie on my bed and stare up at my blank walls. i try to imagine the future but right now it is as blank as those walls. and all i can see is a past that i barely recognize anymore. what can i do is, 'hating' myself damn much. i know that is my mistake. but, why why? why i must be that 'toy' ahh? 

my friends, DM, are always telling me to smile. ermm, like smiling is going to just take away all the hurt and pain. well~ i have tried hiding my sorrows and covering the sadness in smiles. and what i have learned is that when it hurts this much inside my heart always has a way of showing it no matter how many masks i wear. 

and now! i smile when i can. i cry when i am sad. but, i forgive it. its ok la kan kan? 

p.s : saje je entry nih. nak mengisi masa lapang. hihi. testing tuk exam bi rabu nih. whoaaa~ takut takut maaa. esok dan esok exammm! 

errmm, i will try to smile :)

0 oh ye ?: