Wednesday, September 14, 2011

its not simple you know. this 'moving on' that everyone makes it seem like its so easy to do.

i dont know what it is. but lately i have this feelings that i cant understand. this feeling that there is so much lacking and so much longing that i dont even know what it is. the feeling between laughing and crying, the feeling like you want to be with someone but you want to be alone also. the feeling like you are there but not really. the feeling like you are longing for the past but you are excited with the future at the same time. this feeling that you cant even put into words. this feelings that you cant understand :'/
and no! this is not depression. actually i can say that im okay now and im not sad anymore but im not happy either. im not even heartbroken anymore. those broken pieces and pain is now almost healed but at the same time it feels like a fresh cut of blade in my heart. this is not loneliness. this is not anxiety. this is not confusion. this is not nostalgia. this is not insanity either! it is more like the combination of everything that you dont understand. and i call it emptiness, and i dont like it.

i am not proud of some of the things i have done. but i am grateful for the lessons i have learned from them.
learn by mistakes. live from regrets. forgive with love. smile for every pain. be thankful for every day. insyaallah i will do!

dont be scared ira! you dont need to pretend that everything is fine. let it go, cry if you must, fall apart, go on, let it drain you. pour out everything. let your heart mourn. let it hurt until it hurt no more. and once you gain strength, stand up again, dry the tears, pick up the pieces and live again and see how it molds you to a better and stronger person :) chill chilll !

be thankful that you dont already have everything you desire. if you did, what would there be to look forward to? be thankful when you dont know something, for it gives you the opportunity to learn. be thankful for the difficult times. during those times you grow. be thankful for your limitations because they give you opportunities for improvement. be thankful for your mistakes. they will teach you valuable lessons. be thankful when you are tired and weary because it means you have made a difference. it is easy to be thankful for the good things. a life of rich fulfillment comes to those who are also thankful for the setbacks. find a way to be thankful for your troubles and they can become your blessings.

to those of you who have pushed me, thank you! without you i wouldnt have fallen. to those of you who laughed at me, thank you! without you i wouldnt have cried. to those of you who just couldnt love me, thank you! without you i wouldnt have known real love. to those of you who hurt my feelings, thank you! without you i wouldnt have felt them. to those of you who left me lonely, thank you! without you i wouldnt have discovered myself. but it is to those of you who thought i couldnt do it, it is to you i thank the most because without you i wouldnt have tried. what i can say is THANK YOU !

at the end of the day faith is a funny thing. it turns up when you dont really expect it. its like one day you realize that the fairy tale may be slightly different than you dreamed. the castle, well, it may not be a castle :) and it is not so important happy ever after. just that its happy right now. see once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you and once in a while people may even take your breath away.
smile always :) i know you are a strong girl shahira shuhada ! it's okay for you to cry. let the tears wash away your pains. 

#broken english, im so sorry. learn from mistakes. this is my diary. so, broken english is used ! haha im just want to express my feelings. im just confused! i dont know what i must to do. BLUR! yes, it is the best word to describe for now. 
i wanna go langkawi with my mother and also with her student this evening. i hope, i will let it go away. dont disturb my mind anymore. im not going to always remind it :'(
>thesaurus, thank you for be my side :) i used it when im typing this entry. because i think it will so great and meaningful if in english language. so, i prefer to write english language than melayu language. 

if there any mistakes, problems with my grammar, you must pretend that you dont see it, ok? haha

1 oh ye ?:

syahirooAhmad said...

panjang cik kak berceloteh.. :D